Who are this ugly lot?

 

Mild-mannered, chinless and muscle-free, JEFF spends his days trying to figure out the complexities of modern life, whilst maintaining an air of complete bewilderment.  Works in an office with little idea of his job description - so he simply types rapidly on a keyboard whenever someone walks past.  He likes beer, tinkering in his shed and strong cheese - he dislikes work, people called Jemima and hairy toes.

Obsessed with food, white wine and shopping, MAUDE lives life to the full.   Easily distracted by a SALE sign or large biceps, Maude loves her Jeff very much - if only he had a lot more money, a bigger chin and a different personality - then he’d be perfect!

Jeff and Maude’s son BILLY is a quiet child, forever confused by the antics of his Odd family.  He is frequently misunderstood by his parents, like the time he asked for a transformer and received something you’d find in a power plant, but he doesn’t complain.  He just keeps his head down, trying his best not to be injured by one of Dad’s DIY experiments. Which happens worryingly often.

No-one knows her true age, though some say she used to have a pet dinosaur.  LILY is the kindly and quite mad mother of Jeff who hasn’t so much lost her marbles as the whole toy shop.  She wears mainly lavender (although unfortunately does not smell of it) and spends her evening crocheting her chin hair.

ALF is the grumpiest grumpy old man you’re every likely to meet.  He makes Scrooge look like Dale Winton.  If a careless child’s football lands on his carefully manicured lawn it will be quickly dispatched to the Ball Heaven with the aid of a well-oiled hedge strimmer.

Maude’s brother DUG is the forever-jobless eternal student.  He makes zombies look like over-achievers.  By day he spends his time watching Trisha, eating Hob-nobs and avoiding job centres.  By night he chats up the ladies, drinks cheap beer/brightly coloured shots and throws up kebabs minutes after their consumption.  If only you could get a job doing that.

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(c) 2009